As I rummaged through my old baseball cards Saturday night wondering if  ever crossed swords with  during their playing days I sadly realized I needed to get out more often.

I mean I’m no “Playa” as they say, but it might be nice to maybe cop some or even just get my .

But alas the game has changed since I was last out there. I’m told I need to “manscape” first which in the old days meant  but now just makes you “Metrosexual”.

And hey I don’t mind doing a little . Especially if it makes my look bigger. Besides I don’t want some girl that shows up all  so I guess fair is fair.

But I have to make sure I find a nice girl or next thing you know you’ve got a case of  which I believe comes from sleeping with guys with .

Not to mention I’m not into anything kinky. No S&M chick who wants to whip me with a cat o’ nine tails  or nymphomaniac begging me to  please. I mean a little  is as far as I’ll go.

Heck anyone without a  or a  will do just fine. In the end though if I could just find a  I’d be a . But alas nothing in this  so I guess I’ll just go back to being a .

No, seriously...True Story...OK, I'll stop now.